There’s a result that i always fear of, it gives room to hate myself or sometimes blame it to someone just to escape the responsibility. And when it happens, burying alive or handing myself over to a cult ritual make sense. I myself will take my body to its last breath. Since i don’t want to give room for pain, depressions, disappointments, and fears. One pain is enough to get through of everything not ton of it for decades.

But when everything is taken into consideration, i have to calm down and observe the pleasant ambiance of the surroundings. Hate will heal in just a matter of time. I have to remind myself that behind the fruit of my unpleasant behavior and inconsiderate mind is a new beginning waiting for me to start it over again, change the lifestyle, bring the game on. And I have to forgive myself. There’s no point in pushing myself to the extent of committing suicide. There’s still a life waiting to be found after i conquer everything that lets me down. I have to strive stronger, bolder, and better as i can be.